Post Crossing Meeting

[knockingatthedoor]

WHO: Kel and anyone who wants to discuss The Crossing
WHAT: Second 'Town Meeting'
WHERE: Oasis
WHEN: A bit after the crossing, when everyone has time to calm down and breathe.
WARNINGS Talks of death, definitely, mention of blood and wounds, other CWs to be added.

[Kel has seen people scatter around and, despite still acting like a foolish fool around Mari and Sunny... he is doing his best to try to coordinate things as he can. Armed with a set bright of pink pencils, definitely merchandise of the Sweetheart brand from his place, he prepared a whole wall in one of the shelters to work as a rough chalkboard and, written on it, there are his few observations from staying behind.

- Nothing beside the wraiths did show up. What are we running from?
- Ferryman honest or not?
- When you don't pay the tool, you may still lose memories
- Our bodies can get hurt as if we're still alive.
- Discussion About Crossing from both sides?

It's not much but try to get stuff to appear properly on a blank wall when all you have is a bunch of pencils that don't even write that well. He's trying, though, he really is. A message is sent out to everyone after he's done gathering enough pillows for everyone to sit in, inviting people to come and share experiences, and... that's all. He did, at least, prepare water for everyone to drink.... it's somethin, right?

"Why, thank you for coming! Take a seat, mingle and let's get down to businesses!"

OOC: This is a mingle thread. Feel free to interact with each other and have discussions about things. The 'chalkboard' will be updated if anything is brought up to Kel's attention, I'll leave an open post for that.

Comments

[urtitan]

So you were testing her?

[She doesn't look very happy with that...]

You can't just categorise your fellow people here by their "potential for hope" and then spring such treatment on them.

[Why can't he be normal?! But, granted, she knows why.]

I know that you've been categorised as "lucky" in a similar manner, but that wasn't the right way to treat you, either. Each of us is a person, not just a generator for whatever value we've been assigned.

[blindluck]

I was trying not to test her. [Nagito rakes his flesh hand through his hair a little roughly as he thinks back to the circumstances and tries not to touch upon it too heavily.] I was trying to get her to leave. When I said that I could hurt her, I meant that I could hurt her.

[urtitan]

[Well!! Right when they thought they were on the same wavelength about what his intentions were, it turns out that they actually aren't.]

What do you mean? Why would you do that? You wouldn't hurt Mari.

[She says that with as much conviction as confusion.]

[blindluck]

[Nagito laughs, and there's something hollow about it.] I've said it before, haven't I? You don't know anything about me. I thought I might. Mari-san's hope was stronger than I expected. [Another little giggle.] That was lucky, wasn't it? Even if she was being very reckless.

[urtitan]

[She stops walking, perturbed.]

What do you mean, "I thought I might"?

[She doesn't want to believe that someone who's experienced mistreatment at the hands of others, like Nagito clearly has, would adopt the same kind of behaviour, but... suddenly, the Remnants of Despair Makoto told her about come to mind, and despite the heat of the desert sun, she feels a shiver run down her spine.]

[blindluck]

The things I was thinking were dangerous. I was trying to scare Mari-san off. It should have worked. It would have worked on nearly anyone else.

[He speaks very clearly about the Crossing. The voice that hurt him the most wasn't the one he offered up; he lacks the haze of forgetfulness some of the others seem to have about it.]

[urtitan]

[Despite having seen first-hand how badly the Crossing affected him, the explanation doesn't satisfy Frieda.]

Is there a precedent, then? Have you harmed others in situations of high stress before? You keep saying that I know nothing about you - enlighten me, then.

[blindluck]

[Nagito takes a step back, eyes narrowed, gone from self-effacing to condescending in an instant.] You'll just ask me like that? And believe what I say? But maybe not, because I've already told you I'm dangerous. Does it matter why exactly?

[urtitan]

[That sudden condescension infuriates her. How dare he act like this when he makes himself nigh-incomprehensible with his contradictory behaviour?!

At first, she was sure that he'd just deliberately put himself in a bad light again - anything to bring out Mari's hope and faith in him and everyone else -, but his admission that he genuinely thought he might harm her, combined with his reiteration of Frieda knowing nothing about him, is changing her overall attitude towards him. Nevertheless, she doesn't shout, though her voice is frosty at this point.]

Yes, it matters. Stop being vague and making ominous allusions! What have you done? We, who travel with you, have a right to know what kind of person we're dealing with!

[blindluck]

[It's amazing how much more steady on his feet Nagito feels when someone is upset st him. Hinata would probably be upset. Makoto, too.

What kind of person are they all dealing with? Maybe they deserve that. (Maybe it's a way to keep hurting himself.)]

I've blown up buildings. I've killed people. I've done worse than that. [He laughs, and there's no mirth in it but there is the raw edge of mania.]

[urtitan]

[Perhaps he expected shock and outrage from Frieda, but instead, her anger dies down. Of course, it's dismaying to hear that he's committed atrocities, but who is she to assume the position of judge over him? The Eldian Empire did the same and worse, and as the inheritor of its source of power, she also inherited its many sins.]

...

You were one of them, then. The 'Remnants of Despair' whom Makoto tried so hard to save. Am I right?

[Makoto withheld any details about the ordeal Nagito underwent in their despair-ridden world, not wanting to speak on his behalf, but he did say that Enoshima hurt both of them in terrible ways - and what Nagito just admitted fits the description of her followers. "Any mention of Enoshima is dangerous with Komaeda-kun, let alone hearing her voice... she twisted people and ideals until the world had to give. She brainwashed and killed people just for fun." Pieced together like this, she feels like she finally understands.]

[blindluck]

[The response is milder than he expected, but when Frieda brings up Makoto, he finds himself laughing again. Super High School Level Hope beating him to the punch and softening the blow.]

He told you about that? Yes. He saved us, and apparently he can't stop saving us, no matter how often I tell him I don't deserve it.

[urtitan]

He didn't mention that you were one of them.

[For the record!! She owes that to Makoto.]

With people like him, it's useless to insist. He and Mari... they're too good for this world - for any world.

...

I suppose they exist to balance out people like us.

[It's bizarre how quickly her sentiment flipped back around from feeling unable to unravel Nagito's intentions to assuming a position in his camp as a fellow sinner who committed unforgivable deeds. (In hindsight, isn't it shameful that she thought she resembled someone as innocent as Mari?)]

[blindluck]

It would have been his right, if he'd wanted to. [It would have been Makoto's right to shout it from the rooftops, or to go and tell everyone personally. But of course he didn't.] When hope is as strong as that, it makes people a little reckless. But it's a kind of recklessness I can't help but admire.

[Nagito studies Frieda briefly.] Are you a former terrorist, too? [He doesn't sound like he's mocking her; his curiosity sounds genuine.]

[urtitan]

[She nods, though it's not so much the recklessness that stands out to her as the unshakable faith in their fellow people that Makoto and Mari have been displaying.

At Nagito's question, she doesn't balk, nor hesitate to answer. Much as his elusiveness aggravated her, when she pressed him directly, he was immediately forthcoming, so the least she can do is return the favour - all the more when half their little group already knows her former secret.]

No. I'm... of royal blood, descended from tyrants and oppressors. While trying to atone for my ancestors' deeds, I kept my own people in the dark about our history and caged them behind high walls, away from the outside world.

[The perhaps worst of it all - the eventual theft of the powers she was meant to safeguard - is gone from her memories, paid as the toll for the Crossing, but even so, the weight of sinfulness and remorse is heavy on her mind and heart.]

[blindluck]

I know someone in my world who could probably have an interesting conversation with you. I hope you don't have a chance to meet them, though. [Because that would mean Sonia Nevermind was dead, and there's something about that--about one of the most resilient of the former Remnants dying--that feels like especially bad luck. He knows he doesn't have his own luck anymore, but it's hard to stop thinking in those terms.

(He'd be upset if any of them died. Regardless of their resilience, regardless of which would be more or less lucky. But he doesn't know how to feel that except at awkward angles.)]

Did locking them up help your atonement? That's never been something I've been good at.

[urtitan]

[This isn't the first time she hears something like this... Thara, too, mentioned someone he'd have liked to introduce her to as they shared similar concerns. Alas, unless those individuals end up in the river they follow, it's unlikely that she'll get the opportunity to meet them - but even just knowing that she's not alone in her position is a small comfort.]

I like to think that it helped the outside world recover from the brutality of our rule, but merely stopping an injustice that lasted for millennia is hardly enough to constitute atonement. Even with a portion of my people left behind to aid the recovery of our former victims through our unique powers, nothing can restore the countless dead to life.

[And that's without going into what she - her ancestor, really, but what's the difference? - did to her own people: Brainwashing, confinement, absolute suppression of forbidden information or attempts to attain such knowledge... it's a long list of violations in their own right.]

[blindluck]

[Nagito hums a small sound of acknowledgement.] Super High School Level Despair was only in control of the world for a few years, but a sufficiently motivated group of talented individuals can do quite a lot of damage.

[Nagito stuck to Japan. Not everyone did.]

I've been told we're supposed to look to the future, though! [He puts on his cheerful attitude like any other piece of clothing.] But it doesn't come naturally to someone as contemptible as me.

[urtitan]

[To that last part, she only has one thing to say, hypocritical as it is in light of her prior encouragement of him (but granted, she didn't know then what she knows now):]

We are two of a kind, then. What future can we really look forward to? Only oblivion - and even that is a mercy for sinners such as us.

[blindluck]

Well, this is definitely a lot more future than I expected to have after I died. [Not that Nagito disagrees with her. He just thought oblivion should have happened a few months ago.]

I wanted to test Mari-san. That's why I needed her to get away from me. I've done that kind of thing before, too, after all.

[He'd gone--well, too far, testing Makoto's sister. It's a bad thing to let himself repeat.]

[urtitan]

[She thinks for a moment, reflecting on how he acted in life and how he acts now, and comparing it with her own behaviour. While she knows full well what drove her to do what she did, in Nagito's case she can only assume how Enoshima leveraged his already shaken self-confidence and lack of faith in the goodness of humanity to warp him into an instrument of despair. Was he aware of those traits within himself, though?]

...

If you were dedicated to spreading despair, how did you end up becoming so obsessed with hope? Is it the result of Makoto's efforts on your behalf?

[Is he, in other words, his devout follower above all else? And here, she initially thought that his preocupation with hope developed independently from him, albeit within the same SHSL system.]

[blindluck]

Ah, I've always been like this, even before Naegi-sama. But back then, the idea she put in my head--

[He wraps his arms around himself, drumming restlessly on his prosthetic arm.]

If despair leads to hope, and if the strongest despair leads to the strongest hope, then if you encourage the strongest, most all-encompassing despair... Well, that leads to the strongest, most all-encompassing hope.

[More drumming.]

The world did get Naegi-sama out of everything that happened, of course, but it wasn't as if that was the result of me.

[Nagito has limits that he didn't have as a Remnant.]

[urtitan]

[So he did develop his obsession with hope independently of Makoto... it's bizarre and understandable in equal parts. Seeing him hug himself makes her want to comfort him, but what comfort can one horrible person give to another, really?]

And you still believe that - that the greatest despair breeds the greatest hope, and that Makoto became as hopeful and inspiring as he is because your world was filled with despair thanks to your group's efforts?

[blindluck]

A hope as great as Naegi-sama's was necessary to put a stop to the Tragedy. I think things would be much worse if great despair didn't lead to great hope. [He's still hanging onto himself, though. Thinking about his time as a Remnant is... Agitating.] But there's a difference between working within a despairing situation and causing one.

[urtitan]

[She offers a singular nod at his last statement.]

That, we can agree on.

[Originally, she wanted to challenge his philosophy wholesale, try to get him to understand that it's warped and twisted... but now, she just feels depleted. Sometimes, the world is despair-worthy just as it is, without anybody instigating greater desperation - and in those times, isn't it really for the best to have people like Makoto and Mari around? She exhales.]

...

Maybe just try not to walk alone with Mari during the Crossings. I can stay with you, but if you prefer someone else, I understand.

[Of course, she isn't thinking of anyone in particular here...]